


Lipstick and Smoke Bombs

by misura



Category: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Genre: Community: smallfandomfest, Gen, Just Add Ninjas, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 06:52:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1735244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Things were going fairly well, really; they'd infiltrated the Guild of Anti-Vegans with laughable ease; they'd located the room with the maps and the computers and the big red button that probably didn't do anything, and now all they needed was to slip past three idiot guards who were sharing a pizza.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lipstick and Smoke Bombs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hamimifk (BatchSan)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatchSan/gifts).



> prompt: _Roxy, where's my happy ending?_
> 
> to which my answer is, apparently: Ninjas!

Things were going fairly well, really; they'd infiltrated the Guild of Anti-Vegans with laughable ease; they'd located the room with the maps and the computers and the big red button that probably didn't do anything, and now all they needed was to slip past three idiot guards who were sharing a pizza.

So, obviously, it figured Envy would pick that exact moment to act like a ninny, break cover and step out of the shadows saying, "Hey Todd," like she was taking a fucking walk in the park or something.

(Roxy did not have anger issues. She _took_ issue, yes, with a great many things, because sadly, there were a great many things thoroughly wrong with the world, but deep down inside, she was a perfectly calm, perfectly controlled person.)

"Envy," Todd said, and for one sweet moment he looked like he might spontaneously fall over or something, which would have been sort of cool, Roxy supposed.

Unfortunately, two things happened before that could happen.

The first was that Knives broke cover as well, saying, "Envy!", looking like she might join Todd in his Envy-inspired swoon. (Ninja were known to develop superpowers on occasion; Roxy didn't see how making people faint could be considered useful in any way, but it was _something_ , at least.)

The second was that one of Todd's not Envy-stricken buddies hit the alarm.

 

"I can't believe you were eating a pizza," Envy said, four fairly intense minutes later. Their pursuers had not been ninja, of course - they had been easy enough to lose. Unfortunately, losing the guards had not gotten them any closer to making a clean exit.

Roxy noted with a detached sense of approval that neither Knives nor Envy seemed to be breathing hard. She'd trained them well, of course, but still. Something to take a carefully measured amount of pride in.

"It was a meatlover's meat pizza." Todd's tone implied that somehow, this justified everything. "With extra meat, and eggs and stuff."

"Think of all the cute little piglets," Knives said, turning around to stare at him, eyes widening.

She really was a ninny, but she was _Roxy's_ ninny, so it was totally justified to punch Todd for scoffing at her and the 'cute little piglets'.

"I ... think it was chicken?" Todd offered weakly, once he'd stopped wheezing. "Or really old pigs. Ugly pigs. Pigs that deserved what they got." (Took one to know one, Roxy supposed.)

"Whatever," Envy said, studying her nails. (A true ninja did not need to study her nails; she already knew they were perfect.) "How are we going to get out of here?"

"You could use an exit, maybe?" Todd suggested.

Envy wasn't really a ninny, but she was still Roxy's something-or-another, and there was nothing inherently wrong in punching one of the enemy. The Vegan League were good friends with the Ninja clan of the Falling Leaf, after all, even if Roxy still felt that all vegan ice cream compared to the real stuff like Britney to Christina (well, unless Madonna was around).

"Maybe we could skydive off the roof," Knives said, which was a nice idea, if either she or Envy would have successfully completed the part of their training yet where they learned how to do that with nothing but the clothes on their back.

"Seriously, Todd, what were you _thinking_?" Envy asked.

"Hey, are you a lesbian now?" Todd asked, like a typical guy, which was to say: self-centered and easily distracted. "Because of _me_?" The idea pleased him; Roxy could tell.

"I'm a ninja, Todd," Envy said, beating Roxy to the punch.

"Wooooow," Knives said. (Roxy heard every extra o. It was a little creepy and a little bit cute.) "You punched the blonde out of his hair."

"Maybe it'll make room for some common sense," Envy said, stepping over Todd's unconscious body to check the hallway.

"He'll need a lot of that stuff before he actually stops being an idiot," Roxy said. "Come on, people. Let's move."

 

"How come the bad guys get to have giant killer robots?" Knives asked, dodging another laser blast.

"There's only one," Envy said, redoing her lipstick.

"Ours is needed in Japan," Roxy said curtly. Envy with her lipstick put on properly looked kind of hot, if you went for that whole, pale blonde, bloody red lipstick kind of look.

Snow White had never been Roxy's favorite Disney princess or something, but only because (1) not a blonde and (2) Roxy'd have held out for a kiss from someone a bit better looking and, well, female.

"We've got a giant killer robot?" Knives asked. "That is so ... awesooome!"

The word lingered in the air in an embarrassingly bright shade of pink.

"We can take it," Roxy said, once it was gone.

"Does it have a weak point or something?" Knives said. "I will not let you down, sensei."

"More to the point: does it have an off-switch?" Envy asked, putting away her lipstick.

"You're so clever, Envy," Knives said, and her eyes were shiny and yup, the word 'clever' was, in fact, floating in the air - in soft neon blue, but still.

Roxy recognized hero worship turning into something a bit more cynical and sarcastic when it was happening right in front of her.

"It probably does," she said, leaving it up to them to figure it out.

"Oh," Knives said.

"Right," Envy said.

"This is going to be, like, really dangerous and stuff, isn't it?" Knives asked, which Roxy didn't feel to be a very ninja-like thing to say, but then Knives drew her katana and struck a pose. "I'm ready."

Envy sighed and grabbed her handbag. "Let's just get this over with."

"Smoke bombs at my signal," Roxy said, slowly counting to ten in her head.

When she reached 'four', she gave the go sign and they went for it.

 

("We so totally rock," Knives said, lying on her back in the grass, staring up at the night sky.)

(Roxy waited for the words to take shape. They didn't. "You girls were pretty good," she said at last.)

("I think I'd like it if you two started calling me 'Nat'," Envy said.)


End file.
